Don’t Abandon Your Tribe For A Relationship
Let me be honest with you, nine times out of 10; you’re going to break up with your dude. At least until you find, the one. I’m not some cynical bitter woman; I’m just the type who likes to keep it real. I’ve also been the type that has ended all her friendships for a guy before and I’m going to tell you to not make the same mistake I did. It’s not worth it.
My first relationship ever was probably the MOST toxic relationship I’ve ever had, there was a lot of emotional abuse and a lot of mental manipulation. I stopped talking to all my friends, that eventually grew into hardly ever hanging out with them, to our friendships inevitably ending.
What I learned most during this time in my life was the true value of friendships and the importance of maintaining them while being in a relationship. Your significant other cannot be your end-all-be-all. Your significant other can be your best friend, but they can’t be your ONLY friend. You can be in love with someone but you must also learn how to properly balance other relationships as well. Once you guys break up, you won’t have any friends. Remember, that you’re allowed to enjoy other people and other relationships outside of your romantic one. After a really rough break up, I felt “broken” and alone, because I forgot all about my tribe. I will never forget how alone I felt and I had to learn this lesson the hard way.
The truth is you’re going to fall in and out of love, plenty of times, some of us more than others. Keeping your tribe around you at all times is practically the key to survival. Ideally, your tribe should be there to remind you of your own self-worth especially in moments of despair like after a breakup. You can’t enjoy time with your girls if you’ve abandoned all your friends during your relationship, can you?
Do not underestimate how essential healthy friendships are for your livelihood. You need your friends by your side to feel loved, wanted and needed, just as much as you need those things from a romantic partner, but in a different way. Friendships are their own relationships in themselves. Every interaction and experience you share with your friends are meaningful, and also shape who you ultimately become as a person.
You need your girls to uplift you when you’re feeling down. You need your friends to kidnap you and take you out when you’re feeling sad. You need a support system around you when your world, i.e. your relationship, feels like it’s coming to an end. You need girls who aren’t going to judge you for your mistakes or your failed relationships. You need your girls who are going to help you celebrate your wins and genuinely be happy when you succeed. You want your friends to be a reflection of you. Before, during and after a relationship you should surround yourself with like-minded girls, who are about the same things you are. If you nurture your friendships and each one is mutual and meaningful, you’ll have friends for life, through multiple relationships.
If you’ve recently felt heartbreak for the first time, know it’s only temporary and the right one will find you! Please don’t turn your back on your friends, instead, reach out to them and let them know you need them. Three things you can’t recover in life are: the word after it’s said, the moment after it’s missed and the time after it’s gone. So ladies, please do not make the same mistake I once made. Embrace your tribe and love them. Stop forfeiting your friendships for these men. Live your best life possible, and this includes allowing the right people to come into your life and letting the wrong people walk away.